Final Blog, Final project:
I am very pleased with the way that the final project turned out. The flowery/coral reef like design that seemed to repeat throughout the piece, I think, turned out to be very successful. I was pleased that I definitely added in more collage with this piece than anything that I have worked on this semester. In fact, I was so inspired by this that I am determined to complete more additional oil paintings dealing with the same theme. The drawing shapes that seemed to happen very spontaneously. I think that it could be pretty compelling with oil paint.
I worked very hard on this project. A lot of time went into it, as well as patience. Something that I would like to add in as a kind of side note: Dealing with the absences for the class, I know that there is no excuse when you get down to it. However, I feel the need to plead my case. I worked my ass of on four large paintings for my painting class. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning finishing critical areas. I never once lost sight of what I wanted to do with my variable topics assignment. However, I knew that the paintings deserved immediate attention. I mean no offense in saying that.
I think that the final project is proof that so much was learned throughout the course:
1) More fluidity and less timidity in drawing
2) Deep understanding and interests in abstract thought
3) Stronger interest in what were once unknown artists to me, and the concepts that they explore in their work
4) Evolution of individual color theory
5) Spawning of creativity through the use of a sketchbook, For once I have really been diligent with keeping a sketchbook and realizing that not every page has to be covered from top to bottom. Sparity sometimes can speak in its own certain way.
To Barbara: I thank you so much for helping me to find myself I hope that my endeavours as a student have been well received. I have enjoyed our chats and sharing our individuality. Thanks again.

Exhausted......definitely working really hard!

"2nd Response to Final Project; Visual Experience"
Something that has been added as of now to the collage is a warm parchment like paper. Cutouts in the shape that is still a homage to Matisse are appearing throughout the murky water. Sort of like fish or something. I went back into the drawing to pull a lot of the initial shapes back that were lost with the charcoal smears. I resurrected the old forms with a new layer of India ink. The murkiness that I want to create as a sort of mood is still there, however I felt that more description was necessary. I still intend to keep the color within the greenish gray family.

Self portrait/non-representational; FINAL REVIEW:
This was a really great project, I felt like it really forced me to loosen up with my drawings. Drawing should be like a cycle, the more you do the better the result. As far as process, I remember that initially I wanted to get as much of the board covered with drawings as possible. I didn't really mind if it appeared disjointed or obscure. As I just let the drawings build up, this sort of spiral like motion became very apparent in the collage. I made up my mind that the movement of the piece was something that I liked very much so the goal began to lean towards abstraction. Lee Krasner once said of her work " I insist on letting whatever comes through to come through, I do not want a forced image." I believe that was the sort of temperament that I developed in this project. A glitch that I think became more apparent in my process is that I lost sight of what the final project should develop into. I guess that could be both a good and a bad thing. Somewhere along the line I began to rely too heavily on drawing/painting and not enough collage. After the first few weeks of the very beginning layers of the collage these hands started to develop in my drawings. I added the hands as a simple interesting form, I do not think that there was any psychological reason for choosing them. Then perhaps there was.....Hands are so descriptive, they have a lot of emotion in them. These were drawings of my hands and so that would imply some connection to me. Whether it be sadness, melancholy, loneliness, curiosity, joy. There could be a lot of that in the collage in some way. In fact the more I study it the more I think there is. What I think definitely should have been developed further is the nice black ribbon/wave that entered into the piece during its final stages of completion. There should have been more of a collage element to this rather than just painting it on. If it were added as collage it would probably mesh more definitively in the work.
One really big question that the work seemed to spur for me was: How do we define the difference between abstraction and representation? If we are thinking of nature as an artist then we are observing what is out in front of us. What we can visually perceive before us, whether it be the still life, model, etc. With abstraction the perception is still there but the artist himself seems to be nature. Nature is within him and whatever seems to come out with his hand IS nature in a sort of raw and different form from the latter. Jackson Pollock is a perfect example of this. The drip paintings were about the act of construction. The emotion which every flick or splash contained.
Another question that seemed to really irritate me as I was working on the collage was: When exactly am I finished? That may sound very generic but it's something that I really dealt with. I think the answer to that is simply that it is a sort of magic that comes with the experienced artist who knows when to stop. There is that sense of finality.....usually wrought with exhaustion.
Overall it was a good project, a lot was learned. I am relatively pleased with what the final result shows. I do think that there is indeed something left unresolved, cannot quite put my finger on it despite what I have said above.

"Up to you" Post:
The semester is approaching its close. Time for me to once again re-evaluate everything. Perfectionism can be exhausting. One year left until graduation. Time to start shopping around for grad schools and the word on my mind right now is one: YALE!! But how the hell am I going to make it happen. Honestly, I have no money. NONE!! But why do I hear that good ole Rudy voice in my head saying: you can do this, you can do it! I want it bad. I have been working my ass off trying to make good work. One professor told me that she could certainly see my style of painting meshing wonderfully with the yale department. I know that the name is not everything but can you imagine? The intellectual growth that would happen? The sense of purpose, and accomplishment that comes with the name Yale? It's really divine if you think about it. I am going to plan a trip to New Haven to do some further sleuthing this summer. Who knows maybe stop by New Hampshire to swim in that lake I've always wanted to see. Is New Hamphire on the way to New Haven? Not sure exactly. Well that concludes the post for tonight. Can I make the impossible possible, that remains to be seen. Stay tuned.

"Past visual experiences that stuck with Me":
Oh goodness this is tricky because I seem to harbor so many different ones. Places that seem to haunt my memory regularly? Well I think that the ones which left a vital impression are the ones that go deep into my early childhood. I remember the lake that I always went to. I remember seeing the rush of a fish gliding under the surface. I remember the heat from summer nights and that layer of sweat that always seemed to be caked to your skin. I remember the sound of the wind rushing through the woods, and the frogs singing in the tree tops. I can remember the cry of the wipper will bird in the distance. Those were happy times. Times when family got along. There was no dysfunction, all seemed cheerful and at ease. I remember the smell of burgers and hot dogs. We always walked down this road at night to get ice cream. I can remember always walking bare foot and getting my feet filthy in the dry earth. The drip of the ice cream down my chin. Gosh I had forgotten how much memory I had of the lake. There was this "beach" (that's what we always used to call a shore of the lake where we would settle and pic nic at) that I always loved. The sand on it was always white and there was this perfect nook where you could get just the right amount of shade. I used to catch these lizards that had this turqoise stripe on their backs, and pick rocks with my cousin. I remember swimming and skiing. I don't remember worrying at all when I was on that lake.
I have a hard time moving away from those memories. I don't seem to want to let go. I was so happy there.
Something else that happened to me recently was my trip to Washington DC. The group made a night hike to the lincoln memorial. I just vividly remember that walk up to good ole Abe. It was such an amazing moment. The air was quite chill, but there was such a sense of adventure. When we finally made it up the long pile of stairs this subtle yellow light hit Lincoln's face so perfectly. Revealing that wonderful little smirk.
A friend of mine understood how sensitive the mood was and immediately started spilling secrets. There was something in the air that night that just made you want to examine your life and find meaning. I am absolutely convinced that it had everything to do with the environment. It was as if Lincoln was speaking to our souls.
I believe in examining both the good and the bad. And there are definitely some environments which left a mark, or more like a scar to be exact. There was this house that my mother used to live in. It was not extravagant, in fact it was quite small but it just had some kind of feeling in it that I did not like. I am not sure that I could define it, nor that I would have any desire to. There was an old man that my mother use to watch over. He was not a friendly character and he always used to roam around the creek where I played. I remember his eyes were so black and unwelcoming. A suspicious snarl always apparent on his face.
I do have one memory that just now came back. It's not really bad nor good. Just one that has stuck with me. It is of a room in a house where my grandmother use to take care of an elderly lady named Nell. It was a library, very dusty. I just remember roaming around one day and picking up a book from one of the shelves. Once I opened it I remember seeing a flower (I think it was a carnation) underneath the cloud of dust that had been pressed. For some reason I remember a heaven like light cascading through the long window with its billowing curtains. The light hit the flower in the book perfectly. It's petals had aged wonderfully, some color still remained. I guess that would be more of a happier memory.
I've enjoyed this. It's nice to know how much of my past is still in tact within my visual memory.

Response to "Rivers and Tides":
Wow. What an extaordinary artist Andy Goldsworthy is. I really admire the way that he braves the elements of nature to complete such fragile works. He seems to be searching for a feeling that a certain place can transmit. There are two things that collide in his work: River and Sea, both water.
There are many wonderful moments I can recall from the film. There is one shot of a beautiful serpent like shape made probably from leaves that flows so elegantly down this quiet stream. It's very strange to watch because the construction moves almost exactly like an actual snake. The thing that interests me deeply about Goldsworthy's work is that he is not only very conceptual but the fact that his work is so extremely temporary. He insists on letting nature take its tole on the work. When he is finished whatever becomes of it is just meant to be. Take for example this piece that he constructed at a salmon fishing hole in a little inlet on a shore. The water was calm, with an overcast sky ahead dusk approaching. The final piece ended up looking like something that a beaver might live in. A massive buildup of wood pieces and twigs. But once Goldsworthy was finished the camera captures it just floating so peacefully (for the majority still one piece) out with the tide. "It's as if it is going on to another world,"said Goldsworthy. Something else that interested me was the fact that the documentary was not afraid to show Goldsworthy's catastrophes. On a beautiful rocky sea shore which appears to be in England, Goldsworthy was attempting to build a structure from piled stones. A Very delicate situation indeed. The artists' frustration becomes really obvious when the rocks collapse multiple times.
Overall I like the work. I think that it coincides with the final project perfectly. How does a place speak to you? What seems to compel you to enter a space or make you stay away from it? How do you try and capture the raw feeling which a place can provide you? These are all questions that Goldsworthy seems to be trying to answer with his work.

Progess on Final Project/Visual place:
I am very happy with where this project seems to be going. I owe a lot of it to the influence from Matisse. I had never really cared for Matisse to be honest. Barbara Campbell Thomas had mentioned him and talked of him so sweetly that initially my curiosity was only slightly triggered. Late one night I was watching a documentary/interview of Lee Krasner, and she mentioned Matisse as creating "Just simply magnificent art.....That's all that I can say about Matisse, I don't even care to measure how great he influences me, all I can say is that it's just magnificent. " That did it. I had some investigating to do. After a thorough search I did find some things that interested me. I don't really care for his paintings, I find them a bit dry in color, though there are still some very good ones. What really intrigued me was his cut-outs which he did later in his life. The series "Les Velours"(English translation: The velvets) really intrigued me. The cut outs seemed to make me think of a shape you might find in a coral reef or perhaps within the structure of a flower. Ironically the night before my sleuthing I had created a shape in my drawings for the final project which almost exactly matched Matisse's cut outs. I took it as a sign of fate and continued working with it. As I said I'm pleased with where it's going. Sort of a murky lake/body of water with creatures and kelp as primary objects swimming around in it. The color now seems to stay within the green family, and I plan to keep it that way, or add neutral grays possibly. Although collage is important I want to keep working with as many different ways of drawing as possible.

Leonardo Drew Response Blog:
The work at the show was very interesting. The artist seems to work from an assortment of everyday objects. He seems to like to play with rust and corrosion. One might think that this would give the work an element of the grotesque but I don't particularly remember feeling that way. I felt as though I were roaming around an old dusty attic. Or perhaps a garage. Items that might be a parallel to nostagia or something out of the past. My personal favorite at the show, although I cannot remember the name, was the one made entirely from rusted paper bags. I just vividly remember seeing this monstrosity of old paper bags. It was rather hard to ignore them. What do I remember feeling from this particular piece? I felt as if it were a statement of sorts. The artist kind of putting this bulging mass of bags in the corner as to say: you cannot ignore this. The bags seemed to be acting as characters that were creeping out from the corner and sneeking up on you. I also do remember one of the works, and I think it was featured in the brochure, an aged shelf consisting of other shelfs. Little mini compartments which held things like thimbles, buttons, household objects, etc. All of it seemed to have the rust element just like the other works.
Overall it was not my particular favorite show. But it was interesting none the less, and fascinating to get a glimpse into the artists' mind.