chin-cole and Photo transfer:

I think for the continuing study of the hand (the chin cole) the project is fairly successful. The Photo transfer didn't quite come out as I had thought, but still not bad.

The study of Goya/Aquatint:

I first and foremost really like the final image that comes out of aquatint. I think that it is by far the most visually interesting of all the techniques we have practiced in Etching 1.

As I mentioned before, my hands which were depicted in a certain way in the previous assignment had become a clue for this one. Goya had done a series of etchings devoted to the foul executions of innocent women and civilians. I decided to take that approach and concentrate on a community that I was very much a part of: Homosexual men. I chose to depict myself being executed with a Nixon-like figure pointing a gun at me. The hand of the person being executed was very important here. The hand is depicted in what society might term a "feminine" way. I think that what was being said here was: Even in the time nearing this persons' death they are still standing up for their belief system. "My spirit will never die."

Self-portrait:

I talked a little bit about this in the evaluation that we did in our final class meeting. I think that this was a really good foreshadowing for something that I would do later. The gesture of the hand was important but it was one of the things that seemed unfinished for this piece. Why were my hands in this strange/bizarre/elongated position? What was it that I wanted to say with this? It is something that I revisited in the Goya reproductive aquatint project.

The still life project:

I just did not care for the dry-point technique at all. Perhaps there is a method you can find for yourself to get a better quality result. However, I didn't become fully in tune with that method this semester (if it exists) and so I simply say: I do not enjoy drypoint.

I do think that there was something nice about the still life that we worked from. The egyptian figurine (I believe his name was Horace) that was really nice.

Assignment 3:

This dealt with a sense of place. I feel it's open to be honest about the project: I was driving around this neighborhood (admittedly, it was a pretty rough one) and I came upon this old house. It was decrepit, in horrible condition. What's more, there seemed to be very little if anything that was holding up the structure of the house. It seemed mysterious to me, and so wonderfully visually interesting. I ended up driving around the house with me zoomed in camera. If only I had made the commitment to get out of the damn car!! I think something really strong could have came out of that investigation had I gotten out of the car. For whatever reason though, I just didn't want to take that risk. I played it safe. Damn!

Assignment two:

This dealt with setting up a system of limitations for ourselves. We could NOT in any way make a mark ourselves on the plate. Something outside of ourselves had to be what was making the mark. Students had many different ways of interpreting this. I am afraid that I did not do a thorough investigation of what might be dictated a valid set of limitations for myself. However, there is something rather nice about the etching that came out of the assignment. What I decided to do was glide the plate around the parking lot in a sort square shape. Following the lines of the square that I observed in the pavement, I noticed that the scratches on the plate were building something quite interesting of an image. I did this routine about 4-5 times and the started printing.

Assignment One:

I don't think I remember having any concrete ideas of what I wanted to do for this assignment. If anything I think of it as more of a doodle than a finished piece of art. But I think that's exactly what was to be taken from the assignment. A free open interpretation that would hopefully access the doors of creativity and NOT provide the student with any mental blocks, in other words do a lot of drawing and not worry what the final outcome will be. The final outcome indeed was: Flesh eating Piranha floating in a world of pansies. Hilarious!!

So here's the deal, I have been very neglectful of my blogging habits this semester for etching. So, what I have decided to do is openly discuss each of the assignments. Sorry, I am afraid I don't have any visuals. But still though I think it could be fairly informative. I'll begin with assignment one.

This is the plate dealing with a certain aspect of the place that I found the most interesting. The chimney turned out quite nicely. What I really like about this house is just how broken it was. There seemed to be very little holding it up. What you might call "pillars" holding up the front porch roof seemed like they could cave in at any time. Looking at it in an artistic perspective, it's very interesting.

This is my plate for the sense of place. Rather content with how it came about.

I think that the scratch marks that are abundant on the plate really help to accentuate the mood of this old condemned house. Sort of spooky.

This is my first print for Etching 1!! First in a series of six at least. Exciting!! Anyway, I know that it needs some improvement. But I do not think it is that bad for a first print.

Final Blog, Final project:
I am very pleased with the way that the final project turned out. The flowery/coral reef like design that seemed to repeat throughout the piece, I think, turned out to be very successful. I was pleased that I definitely added in more collage with this piece than anything that I have worked on this semester. In fact, I was so inspired by this that I am determined to complete more additional oil paintings dealing with the same theme. The drawing shapes that seemed to happen very spontaneously. I think that it could be pretty compelling with oil paint.
I worked very hard on this project. A lot of time went into it, as well as patience. Something that I would like to add in as a kind of side note: Dealing with the absences for the class, I know that there is no excuse when you get down to it. However, I feel the need to plead my case. I worked my ass of on four large paintings for my painting class. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning finishing critical areas. I never once lost sight of what I wanted to do with my variable topics assignment. However, I knew that the paintings deserved immediate attention. I mean no offense in saying that.
I think that the final project is proof that so much was learned throughout the course:
1) More fluidity and less timidity in drawing
2) Deep understanding and interests in abstract thought
3) Stronger interest in what were once unknown artists to me, and the concepts that they explore in their work
4) Evolution of individual color theory
5) Spawning of creativity through the use of a sketchbook, For once I have really been diligent with keeping a sketchbook and realizing that not every page has to be covered from top to bottom. Sparity sometimes can speak in its own certain way.
To Barbara: I thank you so much for helping me to find myself I hope that my endeavours as a student have been well received. I have enjoyed our chats and sharing our individuality. Thanks again.

Exhausted......definitely working really hard!

"2nd Response to Final Project; Visual Experience"
Something that has been added as of now to the collage is a warm parchment like paper. Cutouts in the shape that is still a homage to Matisse are appearing throughout the murky water. Sort of like fish or something. I went back into the drawing to pull a lot of the initial shapes back that were lost with the charcoal smears. I resurrected the old forms with a new layer of India ink. The murkiness that I want to create as a sort of mood is still there, however I felt that more description was necessary. I still intend to keep the color within the greenish gray family.

Self portrait/non-representational; FINAL REVIEW:
This was a really great project, I felt like it really forced me to loosen up with my drawings. Drawing should be like a cycle, the more you do the better the result. As far as process, I remember that initially I wanted to get as much of the board covered with drawings as possible. I didn't really mind if it appeared disjointed or obscure. As I just let the drawings build up, this sort of spiral like motion became very apparent in the collage. I made up my mind that the movement of the piece was something that I liked very much so the goal began to lean towards abstraction. Lee Krasner once said of her work " I insist on letting whatever comes through to come through, I do not want a forced image." I believe that was the sort of temperament that I developed in this project. A glitch that I think became more apparent in my process is that I lost sight of what the final project should develop into. I guess that could be both a good and a bad thing. Somewhere along the line I began to rely too heavily on drawing/painting and not enough collage. After the first few weeks of the very beginning layers of the collage these hands started to develop in my drawings. I added the hands as a simple interesting form, I do not think that there was any psychological reason for choosing them. Then perhaps there was.....Hands are so descriptive, they have a lot of emotion in them. These were drawings of my hands and so that would imply some connection to me. Whether it be sadness, melancholy, loneliness, curiosity, joy. There could be a lot of that in the collage in some way. In fact the more I study it the more I think there is. What I think definitely should have been developed further is the nice black ribbon/wave that entered into the piece during its final stages of completion. There should have been more of a collage element to this rather than just painting it on. If it were added as collage it would probably mesh more definitively in the work.
One really big question that the work seemed to spur for me was: How do we define the difference between abstraction and representation? If we are thinking of nature as an artist then we are observing what is out in front of us. What we can visually perceive before us, whether it be the still life, model, etc. With abstraction the perception is still there but the artist himself seems to be nature. Nature is within him and whatever seems to come out with his hand IS nature in a sort of raw and different form from the latter. Jackson Pollock is a perfect example of this. The drip paintings were about the act of construction. The emotion which every flick or splash contained.
Another question that seemed to really irritate me as I was working on the collage was: When exactly am I finished? That may sound very generic but it's something that I really dealt with. I think the answer to that is simply that it is a sort of magic that comes with the experienced artist who knows when to stop. There is that sense of finality.....usually wrought with exhaustion.
Overall it was a good project, a lot was learned. I am relatively pleased with what the final result shows. I do think that there is indeed something left unresolved, cannot quite put my finger on it despite what I have said above.

"Up to you" Post:
The semester is approaching its close. Time for me to once again re-evaluate everything. Perfectionism can be exhausting. One year left until graduation. Time to start shopping around for grad schools and the word on my mind right now is one: YALE!! But how the hell am I going to make it happen. Honestly, I have no money. NONE!! But why do I hear that good ole Rudy voice in my head saying: you can do this, you can do it! I want it bad. I have been working my ass off trying to make good work. One professor told me that she could certainly see my style of painting meshing wonderfully with the yale department. I know that the name is not everything but can you imagine? The intellectual growth that would happen? The sense of purpose, and accomplishment that comes with the name Yale? It's really divine if you think about it. I am going to plan a trip to New Haven to do some further sleuthing this summer. Who knows maybe stop by New Hampshire to swim in that lake I've always wanted to see. Is New Hamphire on the way to New Haven? Not sure exactly. Well that concludes the post for tonight. Can I make the impossible possible, that remains to be seen. Stay tuned.

"Past visual experiences that stuck with Me":
Oh goodness this is tricky because I seem to harbor so many different ones. Places that seem to haunt my memory regularly? Well I think that the ones which left a vital impression are the ones that go deep into my early childhood. I remember the lake that I always went to. I remember seeing the rush of a fish gliding under the surface. I remember the heat from summer nights and that layer of sweat that always seemed to be caked to your skin. I remember the sound of the wind rushing through the woods, and the frogs singing in the tree tops. I can remember the cry of the wipper will bird in the distance. Those were happy times. Times when family got along. There was no dysfunction, all seemed cheerful and at ease. I remember the smell of burgers and hot dogs. We always walked down this road at night to get ice cream. I can remember always walking bare foot and getting my feet filthy in the dry earth. The drip of the ice cream down my chin. Gosh I had forgotten how much memory I had of the lake. There was this "beach" (that's what we always used to call a shore of the lake where we would settle and pic nic at) that I always loved. The sand on it was always white and there was this perfect nook where you could get just the right amount of shade. I used to catch these lizards that had this turqoise stripe on their backs, and pick rocks with my cousin. I remember swimming and skiing. I don't remember worrying at all when I was on that lake.
I have a hard time moving away from those memories. I don't seem to want to let go. I was so happy there.
Something else that happened to me recently was my trip to Washington DC. The group made a night hike to the lincoln memorial. I just vividly remember that walk up to good ole Abe. It was such an amazing moment. The air was quite chill, but there was such a sense of adventure. When we finally made it up the long pile of stairs this subtle yellow light hit Lincoln's face so perfectly. Revealing that wonderful little smirk.
A friend of mine understood how sensitive the mood was and immediately started spilling secrets. There was something in the air that night that just made you want to examine your life and find meaning. I am absolutely convinced that it had everything to do with the environment. It was as if Lincoln was speaking to our souls.
I believe in examining both the good and the bad. And there are definitely some environments which left a mark, or more like a scar to be exact. There was this house that my mother used to live in. It was not extravagant, in fact it was quite small but it just had some kind of feeling in it that I did not like. I am not sure that I could define it, nor that I would have any desire to. There was an old man that my mother use to watch over. He was not a friendly character and he always used to roam around the creek where I played. I remember his eyes were so black and unwelcoming. A suspicious snarl always apparent on his face.
I do have one memory that just now came back. It's not really bad nor good. Just one that has stuck with me. It is of a room in a house where my grandmother use to take care of an elderly lady named Nell. It was a library, very dusty. I just remember roaming around one day and picking up a book from one of the shelves. Once I opened it I remember seeing a flower (I think it was a carnation) underneath the cloud of dust that had been pressed. For some reason I remember a heaven like light cascading through the long window with its billowing curtains. The light hit the flower in the book perfectly. It's petals had aged wonderfully, some color still remained. I guess that would be more of a happier memory.
I've enjoyed this. It's nice to know how much of my past is still in tact within my visual memory.

Response to "Rivers and Tides":
Wow. What an extaordinary artist Andy Goldsworthy is. I really admire the way that he braves the elements of nature to complete such fragile works. He seems to be searching for a feeling that a certain place can transmit. There are two things that collide in his work: River and Sea, both water.
There are many wonderful moments I can recall from the film. There is one shot of a beautiful serpent like shape made probably from leaves that flows so elegantly down this quiet stream. It's very strange to watch because the construction moves almost exactly like an actual snake. The thing that interests me deeply about Goldsworthy's work is that he is not only very conceptual but the fact that his work is so extremely temporary. He insists on letting nature take its tole on the work. When he is finished whatever becomes of it is just meant to be. Take for example this piece that he constructed at a salmon fishing hole in a little inlet on a shore. The water was calm, with an overcast sky ahead dusk approaching. The final piece ended up looking like something that a beaver might live in. A massive buildup of wood pieces and twigs. But once Goldsworthy was finished the camera captures it just floating so peacefully (for the majority still one piece) out with the tide. "It's as if it is going on to another world,"said Goldsworthy. Something else that interested me was the fact that the documentary was not afraid to show Goldsworthy's catastrophes. On a beautiful rocky sea shore which appears to be in England, Goldsworthy was attempting to build a structure from piled stones. A Very delicate situation indeed. The artists' frustration becomes really obvious when the rocks collapse multiple times.
Overall I like the work. I think that it coincides with the final project perfectly. How does a place speak to you? What seems to compel you to enter a space or make you stay away from it? How do you try and capture the raw feeling which a place can provide you? These are all questions that Goldsworthy seems to be trying to answer with his work.

Progess on Final Project/Visual place:
I am very happy with where this project seems to be going. I owe a lot of it to the influence from Matisse. I had never really cared for Matisse to be honest. Barbara Campbell Thomas had mentioned him and talked of him so sweetly that initially my curiosity was only slightly triggered. Late one night I was watching a documentary/interview of Lee Krasner, and she mentioned Matisse as creating "Just simply magnificent art.....That's all that I can say about Matisse, I don't even care to measure how great he influences me, all I can say is that it's just magnificent. " That did it. I had some investigating to do. After a thorough search I did find some things that interested me. I don't really care for his paintings, I find them a bit dry in color, though there are still some very good ones. What really intrigued me was his cut-outs which he did later in his life. The series "Les Velours"(English translation: The velvets) really intrigued me. The cut outs seemed to make me think of a shape you might find in a coral reef or perhaps within the structure of a flower. Ironically the night before my sleuthing I had created a shape in my drawings for the final project which almost exactly matched Matisse's cut outs. I took it as a sign of fate and continued working with it. As I said I'm pleased with where it's going. Sort of a murky lake/body of water with creatures and kelp as primary objects swimming around in it. The color now seems to stay within the green family, and I plan to keep it that way, or add neutral grays possibly. Although collage is important I want to keep working with as many different ways of drawing as possible.

Leonardo Drew Response Blog:
The work at the show was very interesting. The artist seems to work from an assortment of everyday objects. He seems to like to play with rust and corrosion. One might think that this would give the work an element of the grotesque but I don't particularly remember feeling that way. I felt as though I were roaming around an old dusty attic. Or perhaps a garage. Items that might be a parallel to nostagia or something out of the past. My personal favorite at the show, although I cannot remember the name, was the one made entirely from rusted paper bags. I just vividly remember seeing this monstrosity of old paper bags. It was rather hard to ignore them. What do I remember feeling from this particular piece? I felt as if it were a statement of sorts. The artist kind of putting this bulging mass of bags in the corner as to say: you cannot ignore this. The bags seemed to be acting as characters that were creeping out from the corner and sneeking up on you. I also do remember one of the works, and I think it was featured in the brochure, an aged shelf consisting of other shelfs. Little mini compartments which held things like thimbles, buttons, household objects, etc. All of it seemed to have the rust element just like the other works.
Overall it was not my particular favorite show. But it was interesting none the less, and fascinating to get a glimpse into the artists' mind.

"Those rich and mysterious forces that stir in the shadowy depths of the human soul.....Those inexpressible longings.....When their moment is come they shall not be denied."
This is really a beautiful piece of prose from V for Vendetta the graphic novel

"There is a marvelous peace in not publishing," Mr. Salinger told the Times in 1974. "Publishing is a terrible invasion of my privacy......I love to write just for myself and my own pleasure."
I think it's a safe assumption to say that this same attitude is the kind that painters are prone to as well. Yet is it truly a realistic notion? Is it possible to be successful with our self indulgent habits, and how do you measure when you have crossed the lines into self indulgence? The writer who mentioned this particular quote, Jennifer Finnley Boylan, bluntly made her opinion known: No. All writers or artists at some point must have some kind of audience in their head, at least to some degree. Otherwise what would be the point of writing if you know that no one can connect to your work. Perhaps some painters paint with themselves in mind and just perhaps, PERHAPS! There is someone out there who can understand them.

"Nothing pleases Apollo better than the slaughter of a frivolous, irresponsible reviewer on his altar."
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
This is so fun and completely true. Maybe I was apollo in another life. Humorous and kind of a sexy idea but somehow doubtful.

"There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in it's life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then singing among the savage branches, it rises above it's own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in the heaven smiles. For the best is only brought at the cost of great pain.....or so says the legend."

Taken from The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough
In an eerie way there was just something about this poem that really resonated with me. Yes clearly its tragic but I can just hear this birds peircing song whenever I read the poem. I think that this relates to my situation with self at this moment. I feel like I am on a mission to sing my one song where everyone shuts up and listens. Whatever medium that may be. It very well could be in painting but there is the likelihood that it could be in something else, I am extremely drawn to music but frightened at the same time by its intensity. I relate to the thorn bird poem because I have always felt that there was an inner voice inside that was being stifled. I long for that one release even if it may be just that one time. That one endless moment that lives on forever in the nostalgia.
Its also a situation of love. Love is such a strange emotion for me. Difficult, yet wonderful. Unforgettable yet daunting. I want it so very badly. I don't think that I have ever really felt love between another individual. I feel like I have so much to give. In a sense I feel like that fragile bird longing to sing its haunting song to the one that will come to it at last.

"The world of construction seems to be the most tangible, and therefore final. This made me nervous. I started to wonder if it were really so. Isn't a construction a beginning of a thing like a seed? Isn't it a segment of a larger totality, like an elephant's tail? Isn't something just about to emerge not quite structured-never quite structured....like an unfinished church with a sky ceiling?" YOKO ONO, around 1966.
This really got me thinking. Tangible is final if you think about it. Done. Finished. No more. I can totally understand how an artist would like to play around with this concept in their work. Making work that requires the viewer to use their own visual library to construct an image from a fragment that they may or may not recognize. Here are some examples that Yoko Ono uses

Smoke Painting
Light canvas or any finished painting
With a cigarette at any time for any
Length of time
See the smoke movement
The painting ends when the whole
Canvas or painting is gone.

Painting for the wind
Cut a hole in a bag filled with seeds
Of any kind and place the bag where
there is wind
As you can see these frank ideas are very intellectual and require a certain amount of positive energy from their viewers. But what I love about this kind of work is that it is my believe that it accomplishes exactly what it was created for: What is our concept of art as artists, and how can we manuever it into a new and original way? Shock, controversy, I think that truly original work will require these elements.

I've recently became entranced with an artist, who I think is especially gifted with expression, his name is Jean-Michel Basquiat. He is somewhat of a legend in the art world and in the book I'm reading there is a beautiful quote that talks about his career:
"It has been written of Basquiat that he "embodied the myth of a modern Icarus who rose too quickly and burnt himself in the heat of the sun." Such a beautiful and tragic description of an artist. The book lists some of Basquiat's earlier infuences which I find amusing.
Excerpt from "Jean-Michel Basquiat-a Biography":
"Early themes were:
1) The seaview from voyage to the bottom of the sea
2) Alfred E. Neuman
3) Alfred Hitchcock (his face over+over)
4) Nixon
5) cars (mostly dragsters)
6) wars
7) Weapons
8) Made drawings of oopick+Fritz+wair+Yaboo with Marc Prozzo

Love is a secret that must be kept
It is as if
It is something in the dark
It is silent, crouching, devouring, maniacal
wondrous, magnificent
And when it leaves you
Alone and wanting in its wake
You are truly alone

You have entered a portal
Where nothing will be the same
And as you await for your prince to come
Loves companions make their entrance
Possession, jealousy, anger, all the demons
Flood into the room
Therefore it is simple
Love is a secret that must be kept

I definitely had a breakthrough this weekend. I came across this old Stanley Kubrick poster of Lolita. Found it to be very intriguing. I think that it spawned a lot of new ideas for my next painting. Why? Just look at this girl, she's harboring all kinds of secrets. I'm taking all of my secrets to the grave, not telling anyone.

We talked about a really great poem today by Kay Ryan, author of "The Niagara River". The poem was small but managed quite a resounding theme. The speed of life can be daunting and the is always a negative side. But even in the worst of times hope is not indistinguishable. Hope is a choice that we have to make. It is not necessarily granted to us but still reachable. What I mean to say is that we have the opportunities to finally make amends with our own lives.

This is a pretty incredible painting, there is so much paint on this surface

Second post for today, just wanted to see if I could get an image uploaded. We will soon see. Aha! Funny, what a random image. So unrealistic for a primitive woman to have hair like this! But it looks good for the camera, that's all that matters.

Hello everyone this is my first blog, kind of nervous, really cannot come up with anything intellectually stimulating at the moment.